Drown
by Karevsanatomy
Summary: George centric. His thoughts on failing the exam, Izzie, Callie, and the affair.


-1**A/N So, it is a Monday night. One of those shitty Monday nights where you wonder how the fuck did I end up having a day like this? My shitty day is of little importance except it gave me some perspective on how George might have been feeling in the finale. So, here I am, on a shitty Monday night, drinking and writing, never a good combination I might add. Please read and review my little George centric one shot. Thanks. **

(Lyrics are from the song Drown by Three Days Grace)

_Good morning day_

_Sorry I'm not here_

_But all my favorite friends _

_Vanished in the air._

_Its hard to fly when you can't even run_

_Once I had the world, now I have no one_

Failure. It was something he was overly familiar with. Failure and being second. Second best, second picked, second choice. Never a winner, never first.

Scrubbing a hand down his face, George stares at the dingy off white tile of the locker room. Scuffed and scarred, most likely it had been white and unmarred at one time. His hand still grips the test results, not caring that the paper was crumpling beyond repair. What did it matter? It wasn't like he was going to go home and post his shitty score on the refrigerator for the world to see. Telling them would be bad enough, he was damned if he was going to show them the extent of his failure.

His failure. Bailey had tried to claim a share of it for herself. How fucked up was that? The woman had done her best, yet she had tried to claim a share of his failure. God, he would love to blame her. To raise a finger, point, and say it was all some one else's fault. He couldn't though. The failure was his and his alone. He might as well own it.

_Failing the test isn't the only thing you need to own_, a small voice whispers. The voice sounded oddly enough like his dead father. Rather morbid, to have his dead father whispering in his ear. Then maybe not. In life his father had always been the one to point out the wrongs. He had many. Oh God did he have many.

His hand tightens even further, the paper making a small protest in the form of a crackling noise. The test wasn't his only failure. In the grand scheme of things, it was probably the least of them.

_If I needed someone to control me_

_If I needed someone to hold me down_

_I would change my direction_

_And save myself before I_

_If I needed someone to control me_

_If I needed someone to hold me down_

_I would change my direction_

_And save myself before I drown…drown_

Thinking of the many ways he had failed Callie had what little he had in his stomach threatening to make its way back into the world from his stomach.

There had been so many things wrong with his relationship with Callie. It had started as a way to get over Meredith. To heal the wounds of rejection. He had started to like her though. To genuinely like her. Why wouldn't she? She had made him laugh, had made him feel like man. In the beginning she had been a bit odd, an oddness that had appealed to him in a rather bizarre way.

The like had started to become more, to grow. The emotions were new. Scary. More intense than he had felt before. He had fought them, not sure what he was suppose to do with them. He knew he had to do something. Callie expected it.

That had been their down fall. Her expectations. She had kept piling them on him until he felt smothered. Smothered to the point of acting irrationally.

_Good morning Day_

_Sorry you're not here_

_All those times before_

_We're never this unclear_

_It's hard to walk when you can't even crawl_

_Once I had this world, but now I've lost it all_

Irrational. That was the nice term for what he had done. The money had made him feel second again. Second best. Living off the charity of his rich wife. An O'Malley supported his family. His father had instilled that in him from birth. Having Callie shrug and act as though his money wasn't good enough had pushed him over the edge.

Her comments over Izzie had started it though. If the issues had been dealt with on separate days…

He shakes his head. No point in dwelling on it. What was done was done. No matter how much he wanted to undo the damage he couldn't.

_If I needed someone to control me_

_If I needed someone to hold me down_

_I would change my direction_

_And save myself before I_

_If I needed someone to control me_

_If I needed someone to hold me down_

_I would change my direction_

_And save myself before I drown…drown_

The paper crumples further in his now clenched fist.

There was so much damage. Damage he wasn't sure he could fix. If he should try and fix it. Was it even fixable?

Callie deserved better. And Izzie…

He jumps off the bench. Unable to sit any longer. Pacing the length of the locker room, he knows he should just let it go. If he hurried he could make it in time for Cristina's wedding. Except going would mean staring at the two women he had damaged…failed…standing together at the front of a church. He wasn't ready for that. He wasn't ready to tell Callie the truth. He wasn't ready to tell Izzie…Tell Izzie what?

_That you're not in love with her. That you're sorry that you led her to believe you were or could be. That she was just a body when you needed comfort. _The damn voice of his father. In his head. He wanted it gone almost as much as he wanted to erase the damage.

_Rolling faster than I'm breathing_

_Drown_

_Rolling faster than I'm breathing_

_Drown_

_Rolling faster than I'm breathing_

The voice was right. God help him but the fucking voice was right. It was an ugly thing to realize about himself. To realize that he had used someone who was essentially the closest he had to a sister. To realize his actions, his confusions, had led her to thinking it was okay to fall in love with him, that it was okay to ask him to return the feelings. It wasn't okay. None of it was okay!

God. He couldn't breath. He stumbles toward the wall, resting his forehead on the cool surface. The balled up paper fell from his hand. He doesn't notice. He fights to breath. To keep himself from drowning in the guilt.

_If I needed someone to control me_

_If I needed someone to hold me down_

_I would change my direction_

_And save myself before I_

Webber had given him a choice. He could repeat his internship or he could walk.

Shoving away from the wall he knew his only option was to walk. To save himself, to keep from further damaging Izzie, to give Callie the husband she deserved, he had to walk…

_If I needed someone to control me_

_If I needed someone to hold me down_

_I would change my direction_

_And save myself before I _

_(save myself before I drown, save myself before I drown, safe myself before I drown)_


End file.
